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How I Value Friendship


I think, all my life, I started friendship when someone courted me and dragged me by the hand to it.
Pardon me, I don't think it makes sense to you, doesnt it? What I mean is that I dont choose someone to be my friend, they both literally and figuratively stretched out their hand to me and adopted me as their friend.
I mean, yeah, that's what happened with my preschool, elementary, junior high, high school, and college best-friends. It's like I don't have enough confident to stretch out my hand and actively ask them to hang out with me. I didn't get to be the upper hand. I just sat there, then someone came and swept me along.

Not that I complain *snickers*.

I'm thankful they sweep me along.. That's how I gain friends. 

I want to thank to all of you, my best friends, that you actively reach out to me. Eventhough I don't prove my worth to be your friend but you still want to hang out with me. It's just when I read and listen to stories about friendship (okay, I just watched 13 Reasons Why, look what happened between Hannah and Jessica), they have bad vibe between them eventually and they drifted apart.

Somewhere along the road, either we lose the similarity between us or we cannot respect what each other's need; that's what happened to my lost friendship. Distance doesn't matter. Distance is the 18th reason for the friendship to go into drain. I still hang out with my elementary besties, junior high, high school, college, even in work place. We don't talk everyday but when we do, it's like we pick up conversation so easily like we never part. I usually feel awkward, yesh i'm the awkward squid in the squad, with the people I don't meet for a long time. Like, what do they think of me now or what should I talk now.

I know, I worry about mundane things. Or maybe there're a lot of people who worry about the same thing but they do better than me.

I'm just. Awkward. 

Anyway, the good thing is the ones that sweep me along is exactly the kind of friends that I need! The one who mirror my needs; they're kind, not afraid of giving more, be the upper hand, and really patient with my personality (which not easily open up and hold everything to myself). 

They pick up my mood easily and tend to my needs, like I'm the youngest member of the group. They ask me what I want and go along with my preference, whether it's a hang out place or somewhere to eat.

They honestly don't have to do that though. They have needs to but they acommodate mine first. That's how I learn how to treat my peers. 

They compliment me which makes me more confident to do more, to talk more, to share more. They call me moody (severe one) but they don't throw me and hang out with someone else. They teach me how to treat the others. They give me chance to prove my worth. They draw more out of me, the character that I don't know I posses. 

They do all that. When I know some friendships out there cripple because of one's selfishness and self-centered. But my besties are me-centered. Me, as in, angie. Heheh. They know I'm the only child so yep.

So, now, you know how I value friendship.
That's how I find it hard to jump into relationship, between man-and-woman. Because I value relationship too deep and I build walls too high.
But then again, because of my personality, I gain valuable and terribly-kind friends. Seriously, my best friends are really, really the best kind of friends. 

I really couldn't ask for more. 

(I'm usually shy but I think I need to do this because they're uber kind to me)

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